O come all ye faithful, joyful and triumphant

When it comes to your family the tune goes a little something like this:

O come all ye drama, ‘specially from your mamma

Arguing is pointless, you’ll never see eye to eye. Violence is not really your thing, but you do have those violent thoughts. All those scenarios in your head of you “handling the situation.”

You’re at your breaking point. You let the snide comments go on & on. I mean all of them-the insensitive, rude, smart ass remarks. Let that person say one more thing, just one more thing! You’re breathing hard just thinking about it. You’re really stressing out. It’s not like you haven’t voiced your opinion before, but to them your opinion doesn’t count.

Your remedy: Tylenol, Advil, Patron, and that just-in-case stash of weed.

If this sounds like you then take a deep, deep breath. Now exhale, not inhale, not yet anyway. Keep breathing in and out until you’re calm (but if those trees help, then…). Holidays are supposed to be a time for family and friends, you’re supposed to have a good time and enjoy food. The reality is it’s not that simple for a lot of folks. Holidays can actually be the most dreaded time of the year especially if you’re dealing with drama. Holidays can also be a rough time for those that are afraid to speak.

Friends and family will continue to disrespect you if you let them. Before traveling back home you need to put out a disclaimer over the phone:

Examples:

1. I’m not coming to visit if daddy can’t respect the person that I’m with.

2. If Missy says one more damn thing to me, I’m snatching her lace front off, eyes out, poppin off her fake nails, reaching down her blouse and pulling out her titty pads, and kicking her in her padded ass! I’m sick of her!

3. If momma don’t like my cooking she needs to stop asking me to make shit! She’s always complaining about my food, too much pepper, too much Lawry’s. I’m not trying to hear her mouth, I swear.  She’ll be expecting me to walk in the house with a dish, I’ll show up with some red Kool-AID, think I’m playing!

Basically you need to speak up. People are going to do what you allow them to do and parents,  parents are the worse. They still think they’re entitled to tell you how to live your life. You don’t want to disrespect them, but you don’t want them to walk all over you. Speak up and if you can’t compromise over the phone you can always threaten not to show up.

While some people are hesitant to make their feelings known during the Holidays there are others that make the holidays oh so memorable.…Biting their lip is not an option.

You think that Keyshia Cole has drama with Frankie & Neffie, they need to see your reality. Are you this type… You walk in the door complaining, “Something stanks!”  Before you can reach the kitchen you see your mother and in disgust you say, “What the hell you got on?” Not even, “Hi momma”, no hug, but “What the hell you got on?”

You don’t believe in being phony or sugar coating a damn thang, but when someone says something negative about you, you get defensive, you’re ready to leave or better yet fight. You claim that you’re just being honest, but you don’t realize that your honesty can really hurt someones feelings. NO, NO-stop! They are not being sensitive. Sometimes it’s not what you say, it’s how you say it, so brash, so in your face, just stank!

Here are a few suggestions to make your interaction with family and friends run smoother:

1. When you walk into the room, smile, acknowledge everyone with a hello or hi even to that hoe (according to you) that your cousin is dating.

2. Your mom’s outfit is ugly, but instead of telling her it’s ugly try a different approach. Pull her to the bedroom and tell her the outfit isn’t flattering her figure. More than likely she’ll tell you that she likes her outfit. As much as you want to tell her, “Momma you look stupid“, just remember all your fashion faux pas; that asymmetric haircut, making lines in your eyebrows, the tattoo, the multiple piercings, the MC Hammer pants…mumm humm yea. Let moms wear whatever she wants to, she’s entitled to. If you decide to cut up and be bossy you bets believe she’ll bring the photo album out-you know you don’t want that.

3. If someone says something that you disagree with you don’t have to get all loud, stand up, get confrontational, ignorant, and talk over that person to get your point across. There is a time and a place for everything. You can shake your head and simply say I disagree.

Keeping your feelings within will make your Holiday visit miserable, but letting it all out will make the Holiday miserable for others-there is a middle ground.Like I mentioned earlier speak your peace before the Holidays, put your disclaimer(s) out there. For those of you that don’t bit your lip, just be more cautious of what you say and how you say it.

When all else fails and you’re still stressing, step outside, get some fresh air. What’s that crunching in your pocket?  Hold up, if feels like a plastic bag…You smile, you’re gonna be just fine!!!!